Thinking of You

lovers

A million years have passed, or so it seems
That I have felt your warmth against me
My thoughts enacted only now in dreams

Small handfuls of your hair, pulled tight
Breath drawn quickly through lisping teeth and tongue
Neck is arched, exposed just for a little bite

Nails dragged softly down your back, you writhe
As bodies slowly start to move as one
Hearts are racing, skin is flushed, feels so alive

Tender moments, our eyes meet, This perfect look upon your face
Bodies paused to hold the deep
Lips, Arms and legs squeezed tight no room for light or space

Warm moments lose themselves to fire
An almost primal drive and lust
Pulses now rise to match the tempo of desire

Crescendo builds, the rush is coming to a peak
Like an ocean wave it builds before the crash
Break upon each others shore, fall into arms and held to sleep

Though your aren’t here, your scent it lingers
My mouth remembers how you taste
And I still feel your hands entwined around my fingers.

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What If ?

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What if there was no tomorrow
How would you choose to live today?
And If now was your last moment
With loved ones what would you say?
Don’t look back, but stop to think
About your journey up till now
Is there something you must do before
The gun is on your brow?
Before the bell is rung, the reaper comes
or dark turns into night
What is that burning in your chest?
That thing you wish was yes, not might
What is the fear that grips you now
And stops you still when you should go?
For that really is our purpose here
Our gift we have to give, and live to know.

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Let It Fall

Mother Earth beneath me
Face upturned towards the sky
To let the raindrops fall like tears upon my face
The droplets cold, and serve to wake me from despair

I am comforted to know
The slight discomfort of the cold
A new distraction from the gripping pain and angst
I send a wish into the night, please take me there

Behind the veil of tight shut eyelids
Where I allow myself to dream
I am special, strong, unbreakable and true
No shadow can be cast from my own loving light

Yet in the dawn of open eyes
I am returned to my nightmare
Forced to view my reflection in the mirror of my soul
The ugly truth revealed to all in open sight

So let the rain fall on me now
And gently wash away the past
Leaving naked skin to cover newborn flesh
May the water cleanse my heart of hurt and negativity

At the rise of new tomorrow
As the sun parts dark with light
May the solar rays burn stuff that’s washed away
The only blackness, charred remains of the old me.

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Drunk

Disconnected ……… From it all and from everyone.
Is it me ?
Certain that its my way – to be alone.
To wander. I don’t belong really anywhere. Nowhere seems to fit me perfectly.
Like a glove. A single white glove like Michael. It’s a cycle.
Round it goes. Here i am again. Sick of it. I just want it to end really.
Maybe tonight? Will I fight ?
Seriously I’m done. Let me come undone …… It’s all I want to do.
Unstick the tiny pieces – The opposite of glue.
You can find me at the bottom. Deep below the surface.
There’s no purpose in you talking I can’t hear. And I don’t care what you’re saying -I’m not listening  anyway ……….  
No point in yelling, or whispering your stories in my ear.
And no fuck is all I give to you, My gift – to you for fee.
No matter you don’t notice This small heart – my mind – nor me.

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Black Angel

Ever slowly darkness came
Suffocating light
She flew on blackened wings of dragon flame

At first she whispered to me
Her voice gentle in the night
Then the softness fell to screams of rage and pain

Strong was her embrace, not hate
But neither was it love
And yet she clung with such a vengeance to my soul

That struggle through I may, my fate
Seems doomed and I’m afraid
That I’ll be buried here alive in this black hole

And cast me down did she
Like I was nothing
As though my flesh not even worth a pound for free

I’m Defiant although beaten, lash out attack her ugly face
Now bleeding hands
Shattered mirror at my feet, that bitch is me.

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Does She Know ?

Does She Know

I watch you as you touch her
I’m not jealous
I am scared
As I remember how that felt inside my skin

In those last moments, In the ending
Your Insistence
Spite my tears
How you punched holes into my walls then paper thin

And does she know that side of you
The blackest rage
Forceless oppression
How you stripped me bare of nothing but a shell

Of how you have a face for others
Just for show
Convince yourself
Your spirituality could come from raising hell

And how dare you be so happy
It’s not right
I’m so alone
Why should you even be allowed to wear a smile

As you profess your love for her to me
Your perfect life
In synchrony
Watch me sacrifice and struggle all the while

I hate your face, your voice, your games
The twisted truths
Deceptive tales
Despise the fact that I feel like I lost

How your lessons learned have earned you this
A second chance
With someone else
Does she know her happiness came at my cost ?

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AFC

Heart Stone

I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough
To wait for you
And that I couldn’t put aside my aching heart

And that I wasn’t in control of all my fears
I was afraid
That once again I’d be left lonely in the dark

Know when I look at you I see your soul
It shines like brilliant gold
And my soul feels you are a loyal and honest man

And when you touch me with your hands or words
You warm me to my core
Your cheeky smile delves into places no one can

You made me think for just a second
That I’m worthy of a love
That knows no boundaries and that trust is real and shared

And I suppose that’s why I doubted, why I faltered
Why I ran
Because that simply can’t be true, and I was scared

And now each day I have to live with my decision
With my fear
And know that text is one I always will regret

But I hope that I was someone you will call upon
In dreams
Our brief encounter one that you won’t soon forget

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The Wrong Idea

wrong idea

Kiss me not with passion
Keep it distant , keep it cold
And don’t whisper little nice things in my ear

Don’t caress my face
Never look deep into my eyes
Or my friend I might just get the wrong idea

Pls ignore my text and calls
Or least answer days delayed
Don’t want me thinking that you’re glad to hear from me

No kiss no hug hello pls
Smack my ass to say goodbye
No sign of feelings or emotion should I see

And when our bodies meet in passion
Pls be rough, throw me around
And make me do the things that nice girls never do

Treat me just the way you want to
And don’t ask if I’m okay
After all this really is all about you

Don’t embrace me softly after
leave before the sweat is dry
And try to say something demeaning also sleazy

About the things we did together
Forget that it was also you
And pass the judgement that I’m just too cheap n easy

Allow me time to think
before you contact me again
About how used I was and let me wonder why

Then drop a line like ” hey how are you?”
“Wanna Catch up?- yeah I miss you”
And make it look as though you care enough to try

Don’t forget to cancel plans
At the last minute for effect
Dangle the carrot , just to keep me hanging on

And please try to make me feel
Like I’m a psycho and a stalker
For contacting you again after so long

Remember to accept my gifts and time
And feign your gratitude
But never give a single thing back for I fear

That just a simple act of kindness
or a word that’s misconstrued
Might mean I think you give a fuck- The wrong idea !

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Seductive Steel

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There it is that shiny thing
With edges sharp and true
That glimmer in the moonlight
Lustre Silver, white and blue

It tempts me with it’s offer
Go on – Nullify your pain
Thrust me deep into that monster
Till that bloody beast is slain

Or slice me gently over skin
That’s virgin to the cold of steel
It stings at first but then the warmth
Is all that you can feel

So now I’m watching as it shimmers
Now it’s calling out to me
Maybe this is how it ends
Perhaps this is my destiny

Such a stunning contradiction
is a simple little knife
In one hand mans own savoir
Another – taker of life

 

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Bikram

Bow pulling pose

Entering the room the heat surrounds me
And then warms me from inside
I know that in this room
that there is nowhere I can hide

Not from them and nor from me
My self shall be revealed
Weakness shall be forged to strength
And wounds through pain be healed

Though I may struggle, falter I may
Some days perhaps I’ll fail
But persevere I shall and hence I know
I will prevail

My mind sometimes will panic
And at times I’ll doubt myself
Then I’ll relax and breathe remembering
My body knows itself

I trust the path, the postures
And I honour myself today
So that Savasana is not the space between
But the way I live each day

Namaste

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