Hurt me gently
Then lick my wounds
Choke me from behind
Then softly spoon the life from me please
Dig your fingers
Deep into my soul
Squeeze me so hard
My pieces are whole, I’m on my knees
Whisper painful truths
Into my ears
But say you’ll stay
Wipe the tears from my face with your brow
Caress my dark
I’ll lighten yours
Promise me not tomorrow
Crawling on all fours, just be my man right now
Every Girl Needs a Cowboy- with Pretty Eyes
She might like you from the outside
But can she see inside the dark?
Do you feel a strong connection
When you talk, is there a spark?
Does she feel the pain inside you
Can she soothe your restless soul?
When you touch do you both melt together,
Do the two become one whole?
Does she hold you close for comfort,
Squeeze your neck, caress your face?
Will she stand with you in hard times
Give you her strength and all her faith?
Will she scare you with her honesty,
Love the black that most despise?
And will she ever see past the shore
And swim the depths of your pretty eyes?
I’d like to give you my forgiveness
Lay the sins of past to rest
I long to feel the weight of nothingness
Remove this burden from my chest
But there they are each day reminders
Words that echo in my ears
All my failures proof that you were right
Give weight and power to my fears
If I could wash away the memories
Clear the slate and start anew
Perhaps I’d have a chance to see myself
Without the filter that was you
So with strength I forged in sufferance
I resolve to move ahead
And I’ll search within for reasons
To forgive myself instead.
In the darker hours when I am left alone to wonder
When I am still for a rare moment or two
I ponder, if i was pretty would you notice
Could I be worth a second glance, a thought from you?
If I was pretty would you want to know about me?
Discover secret paths inside paved just for two
If I was pretty would you feel a strong connection?
I thought our souls had smashed together when I saw you
If i was pretty would you see beneath the surface,
Could you look past the flaws and see beyond the scars?
But then reality returns and I remember …
I’m not pretty, your’e not mine and never will be
Revert to dreaming i was pretty with the stars.
I lay down spent and drenched in sweat
Look up at spinning cranes
Heart beats loudly flaccid arms weigh heavy
I hear the creaking chains
Remind myself that this is life and here is where I heal my pain
It matters not that you don’t care
Deaf to hear me scream
I push beyond the pain you cause
That knife though it does glean
Shall not entice me near enough – not whilst I dare to dream
I’m strong and yet not quite enough
To fight convictions strength
Your decision not to let me close
To keep me at arms length
Though you held me close to skin at times
Your heart was locked away
I guess there’s little parts of you
That still yearn for yesterday
I’m guilty too of building walls
That even you can’t scale
Wondering why you didn’t notice
See all that’s me behind this veil
I thought that I was honest
Never once i lied to you
Suffocated myself pretending though
And denying what was true
That even if I’m perfect
And our souls were intertwined
Your’e just not ready to risk your freedom now
If you don’t seek – you shall not find
My heart seeks not to claim you
No I don’t need to make you mine
Just want to be that thought that lights you up
Jumps in your head at random times
I want to be the one you long for
When you are lonely in your bed
The woman that would ‘get’ the joke
Know’s your words before they’re said
I’d love to be the lucky one
Who greets you when your’e home
The happy voice from far away
When talking on the phone
The girl who cooks your favourite meal
Loves your weakness and your strength
But I’m never close enough to try
Too far away – Held at arms length.
The cracks are on the inside
In case you didn’t know
I cover them with smiles and laughter
So the wounds they do not show
The cracks are growing deeper
And though they do not bleed
Allow the pain to penetrate
And so my fears on this they feed
The cracks cannot be mended
By application of another
As my worthiness cannot be measured
In terms of my value to a lover
And so my cracks begin to surface
And though from them I try to hide
I know I’ve earn’t each one, each battle scar
And like medals, should be worn with pride
I’m so sorry that I love you
Knowing you don’t feel the same
And I’m sorry that my heart does backflips
When I hear your name
I’m sorry that I told you
Your’e significant- it’s true
That I am sorry I can’t take it back
Retract the things I said to you
I apologise for caring
And for glimpses of my heart
I am sorry for my honesty
For being upfront from the start
I apologise for being weak
And letting you inside
I’m also sorry my affection grows
And so now i must confide
That I am sorry I’m not everything
A man desires to keep
But I’ll imagine that you love me
While you hold me as we sleep
The passing dark is full of shadows
And occasional windows of light
My heavy breath visible in the cold air
The balls of my feet land quickly on the ground
Pushing me further in the night
I turn to look behind me
But at this speed my vision fails
A gripping feeling in my chest it tightens
forcing a struggle for each breath
My eyes water, wide black pupils cover with teary veils
Heartbeat racing… sweat is dripping
The distance drawing ever near
I will my legs to forge on faster
Take me away from all those voices
Flee me to safety- lest I meet the one I fear
Yet as I run …feel like I’m fading
Where is the strength I had before?
I want that fire back, that burning energy
Not the panic in my veins here now
It’s in me somewhere, buried deep within my core
The path before me starts to blur
As scenery distorts before my eyes
In my confusion legs falter beneath me
I hit the pavement like a drunkard
Blood down my face, and then disorderly I rise
And like a slowly dawning new day
When nightfall parts to rays of sun
It’s in this moment forced to pause
My spinning head slows down to clarity
I see my past behind, It’s from myself I run
An understanding sweeps my conscience
As though I know what life’s about
Despite my flaws, my fails, imagined fears
If I’m to ever stand in sunlight
First I must step out of the shadow of self doubt
Who was that wicked girl last night
And Whereance did she go
There are traces of her here still now
Upon my sheets and smudged across my pillow
Flashes of her dancing, laughing loudly
Half remembered dreams run through my head
She tricked me, teased me, lured him here
Into my home, into my bed
Only walls can tell what happened then
Or explain the mess been made
I have questions but no answers
She is gone – and yet, he stayed
And then slowly as we start to rouse
From our un-resting drunken slumber
Realisation that she is me creeps in
Bursting the foggy spell that I was under
Here it lies, the stripped off evidence
I see strewn across the floor
My heart sinks, another piece of me departs
Along with him…out of my door.